Should I Pay Even Though This Agreement Was Broken?
Posted by: Alan in Alcohol Counseling, tags: Agreement, Broken, Even, Should, This, Though
So my 23 yr old son and I had an agreement. I pay 3000 on his bills if he goes to and stays in college, does not do any drugs or alcohol, continues with 1 hour a month counseling until the counselor releases him. Yesterday he said he won’t go to counseling anymore because he doesn’t think he needs it but he was not released by the counselor. I went alone and the counselor said then he broke the agreement and not to pay. My son did start college, went 3 days and quit saying hes going to look for a job because he just found out his girlfriend is pregnant (yesterday). I have bailed my son out many times over the years and gone through a lot with him. So the counseling is a big thing to me. My son treats me nice when he needs to ask for something but then after that hes not very nice to me so I feel unappreciated and uncared for by him. I want to help my son but it seems all the help doesn’t really help. And even though he may seem okay for now, there have been cycles of bad choices and I worry when and if the next will come. He’s mad at me now because I have told him since he’s not going to counseling, I won’t pay the $3000. I offered afterward that we could renegotiate the agreement and he still would have to go to counseling and he said, “Don’t worry about it”.
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January 31st, 2010 at 11:22 am
First off, it is obvious how much you love your son. But NO, you should not continue paying his bills. He is 23 years old and should know that he has responsibilities. You offered to pay the $3000 under specific circumstances… And he has failed on his end of the deal. I understand that parents want to do things for their children and give them everything they want and need. But in the long run it won’t be good for him if you keep on. Anyway, good luck and Congrats on the Grand baby! He definitely needs a taste of the real world before this baby gets here! =] Now, if he starts going to counseling again, gets back in school and is honestly trying to better himself…. Then I think it’s perfectly fine to help him out with his bills… Just make sure he IS trying =]
January 31st, 2010 at 2:48 pm
He is 23. Allow him to make this mistake but leave the option of renegotiating the agreement up to him. Stand firm in your decision with regard to counseling seeing as this is something he truly needs. Good luck. You sound like a wonderful parent.
January 31st, 2010 at 5:28 pm
the counselor is right, he needs to do things on his own now since he broke the agreement.
January 31st, 2010 at 10:53 pm
agreed. you need to just let him grow up!!