Alcoholism Recovery & Treatment

Drs. fail to tell us that there is a bad depressiona after heart surgery. I had quadruple about 9 yrs. ago and I had severe depression. I know I was terrible. Scared, mad, hurt, pain,
worried, you name it.
A lot of people act differently around other people, I have noticed that with almost everyone.
It does change your minds way of seeing things.
I feel most of my modesty is gone.
I understand you are tired and I know he his a problem.
You need to get help for you to handle this.
After about 6 months if he is still this way, work it out between you. Sounds as if you need a break, get someone to stay while you get out once in awhile and try to enjoy yourself.
Really he doesn’t need you 24 hrs a day. My husband had to go to work and I was fine on my own till he got home.
He needs to be up and getting exercise.

His personality change may partially be explained by the surgery. It is well known that after bypass surgery some patients have a change in brain function thought to be due to microscopic “strokes” effecting the brain.
The good news is that things often improve with time, so if possible stick by him and support him. It may not be his fault.
Speak to your cardiologist about it too. There is no specific treatment…just wait for a while.
The other factor may be related to ceasing smoking, which he MUST contine to stop.
Sounds like you are doing a great job! Maybe get a family member or good friend to help care for him every now and then, to take the pressure off a bit.
All the best. Things will improve for the better!!!

Lots if stuff here. Lots. When someone has a major life event that affects the heart, there can be (and often is) a radical personality change. Couple that with his flair for the dramatic and I think that really fuels the fires. He also just quit smoking, and the side effects of that one are irritability, nervousness and anxiety. Instead of suggesting counseling and risk irritating him more, he may benefit from a mood stabilizing medication.
Be in touch with his doctor, but not without his consent. It’d be very easy for him to view you as the enemy, then. Both off you should talk to his doc.
Even though he’s not admitted responsibility, he may be in the process of accepting it (knowing that his years of smoking contributed to this).
This isn’t to say that you have to suck it up and be nothing but sweet to him. Supportive to him, but realistic. Let him know how the way he behaves affects you and that you’ll no longer tell friends that all is going well.
Acknowledge the impact this has on him; but ALSO tell him of the impact it has on you, always speaking from “I.” I have a hard time explaining to friends….” “I know this is a difficult time is difficult for you. But I need to tell me that it’s difficult for me when_________________” Don’t say anything about counseling right now. I’d leave that go for now.
You can tell them that there are bumps in the road; there always are with major surgery. I don’t know the mechanism exactly, but when something affects the heart, the WHOLE human is affected. It’s the core of your being, so he may be having a REAL hard time adjusting.
Wise of you to do the cleaning to rid of the leftover smell. I applaud you for caring for a man who right now is making you miserable.

I had a triple bypass in Dec 2006 and I am fully recovered now. I am 56 yrs old. Your husband is feeling at a loss because he just realized that he is mortal. Like me, probably the surgery scared him into reality. We will not live for ever and our position as the “family rock” was threatened. I don’t know what to say that can help you. He just has to accept the fact that we do have weaknesses and hopefully we will have many years left.