Am I An Alcoholic…part Of Me Thinks Not, Part Of Me Sees How I Am Progressing?
Posted by: Alan in Alcohol Counseling, tags: Alcoholic...part, Part, Progressing, Sees, Thinks
I don’t love alcohol….frankly, I drink because I moved to Chicago from Southern California and don’t have a connection. However, my job is so boring and undemanding that most days I walk two blocks to the drug store, buy a fifth of cheap rum or bourbon with a 2L or two of Diet Coke or Pepsi, and mix the two under my desk.
I have no friends, no girlfriend (partially because I don’t like how I look, the girls I was able to attract, and have little interest in traditional intercourse)….hence alcohol is the only “company” I have except for weed, which I prefer but cannot get without making a 300-mile round trip.
I can’t say I’m totally dependent on alcohol just yet, but I still find that my existence is improved and not impaired by knowing that I can get buzzed pretty easily.
Just to add…I doubt counseling or AA is for me. I am an atheist, I have seen many counselors in my life, and derive no comfort from knowing that some “higher power” loves me no matter what.
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February 21st, 2010 at 2:08 am
I think your on the way to be one
Better watch out before any damage
If i were you I would start acting now before you lose control of the situation
February 21st, 2010 at 4:22 am
The whole point of the higher power concept is being a part of something greater than yourself. In all reality there is no reason that can’t be a family, a country, a sports team, your local community, whatever. AA is not a religious thing. That doesn’t mean I would suggest AA, by the way. It just means that the original set-up was not about religion in any way. Some people have tried to change that fact, but that’s their problem, not ours.
I am curious as to why you’d have to go 300 miles for weed if you live in Chicago. That’s indicative of severe isolationism which will push you into alcoholism faster than anything.
I like to suggest that a person have these three things in life in order to recover from addiction- a purpose, a hobby, and an income. Without a purpose in life there is no point in the first place. Hobbies are critical for releasing stress. They are many times a great way to make social contacts as well, depending on the hobby. And an income. Many people would like to suggest that not drinking will save you lots of money, but the fact is that recovery is pretty expensive if you do it right. And the more you lean on others for help the less you recover.
February 21st, 2010 at 8:15 am
I know its hard to talk to someone, but you really need to. My dad was an alcoholic, and he was just like you. He had tried almost everything in the world, but couldn’t connect with anyone. Then he found this one place. He has been sober for almost 3 yrs now. You just have to look around. Find something you like.
And if its any help, you can meet some great friends in AA meeting and there are always girls looking for some comforting
February 21st, 2010 at 8:19 am
You are probably depressed at this stage but sounds like your on you way if you try to change soon. Try making new friends at work and outside of work. The part under the desk could get you fired so that needs to stop right away. Call an old friend and talk. This might help..
February 21st, 2010 at 1:14 pm
You know addiction to me is 90% psycological. I had a video games addiction for a while until I figured out that many Americans are insecure about their intelligence levels, and video games was what I thought smart people did. Maybe yours is similar
February 21st, 2010 at 6:13 pm
If you’re not an alcoholic yet, you’re well on your way to becoming one.
My guess is that, yes, you’re an alcoholic. Habitual drinking at work is a pretty good indicator of that.
I’d see a psychiatrist or a licensed psychologist, if you’re concerned. What you’re doing is often called “self medicating” for depression, and you do sound depressed.
February 21st, 2010 at 6:18 pm
http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/2306918…
above is safe limits and i done AA rehad the lot only the higher power is God above!as the aa was originally formed from one guy who found God check it out in the aa book bill was his name ……..God above delivered me from 22years of alcohol abuse and drugs iam now 6 and half years free from the hurt and pain cause to myself and others around through alcohol addiction and drug addiction praise be to God!
pm me if you like
February 21st, 2010 at 11:52 pm
just sounds like your depressed and have low self esteem..the alcohol helps you dull the feelings you have..
what you need to do is go out and meet people..
February 22nd, 2010 at 3:33 am
You are definitely on your way, especially with the need for weed thrown in. Substance abuse is knocking on the door for sure.
February 22nd, 2010 at 8:39 am
I think you are becoming alcoholic. Not a good idea.
Try to find other interests.
February 22nd, 2010 at 12:31 pm
I also drink a lot like a fish or frog. But I never agree that I am drunk.
February 22nd, 2010 at 2:52 pm
See a counselor. Not all counselors are religious.
February 22nd, 2010 at 6:23 pm
No, it could turn out that way in the end but right now no. I would say you are clinically depressed
February 22nd, 2010 at 10:45 pm
Go to the hood on the bus—get some weed.
February 23rd, 2010 at 3:33 am
I don’t know that it matters what label you put on your drinking behavior. The simple reality is that hiding a fifth of booze under your desk at work to drink indicates some sort of pathology. It is not normal, nor is it compatible with life over the long term.
Therefore, if you plan on living, you need to either cut down your drinking to normal levels (no more than 2 drinks per day). If you find it impossible to stop drinking once you start, then the only solution is to quit entirely.
I realize that the typical answer to your problem is “go to AA”, but I am convinced that’s because most people simply have no clue what AA is about. I quit drinking ten years ago, went to countless AA meetings, worked the steps, had a sponsor, was a sponsor, but ultimately quit in disgust after the drama, constant relapsing, sick sexual behaviors, and group-think got to be too much. Based on my own experience, I can’t recommend AA to anyone else (especially not an atheist). In my opinion, for those who want a program, Smart Recovery is a good choice. It is secular and based on rational principles rather than expecting a “higher power” to get you sober.
February 23rd, 2010 at 5:52 am
Im 16 so you may think my advice is usless. But ive lived with my alcoholic mum my whole life so not a lot about it. If a sight part of you thinks your becoming dependent on alcohol, give it up. it sounds liek its creeping up on you. its a horrible disease that ruins lives. I can feel it creeping up on me and because i know the damage it can do, on friday i chose to stop.
If you do decide to not drink anymore and find it difficult try AA, it may work for you. They do group meetings and it sounds to me liek you need to meet knew people,
good luck x
February 23rd, 2010 at 8:07 am
It’s kinda sad to hear your an atheist since I feel more fulfilled with a God, but whatever floats your boat, great!
I don’t think your a true alcoholic since i have a long-line of alcoholic grandfathers in my family thanks to communism since the trend was back then if your married and have a wife you also gotta drink every night. They were pretty abusive alcoholic to and did die early. One got shot by a german when he was trying to help a russian during WW2. The one after that got shot because he owed money to people. Blah whatever. At least it brang peice to my grandmother and my mom and brothers! I boleive he was only 28 or so.
I think alcohol can make life even more bitter then it already is realisticly. I like alcohol when i’m out with freidns, but i would never drink it just to relieve lonliness alone. That defeats the actual fun purpose of alcohol. You turn it into a dangerous habbit once you begin that cycle. Anyways, alchohol is a depressent which only would add to your ovious depression. Depression is an imbalance in the brain chemicals i boleive. I heard once food can actually help improve depression. I know food can stimulate your hormones and therefore it also can stimulate some irregular chemical reactions in your body. Eat healthier and your mood may improve. Try to avoid eating much fast foods and grocery bought meat that is grown on farms that ingect their animals with hudge amounts of hormones. I found eating organic increased my overall health and you should try some more organic meats. I personally hate doctors and chances are if you go there they’d just prescribe you drugs to screw up your body even more. My grandmother was put on this drug to help her increase calcium in her bones due to the fact she ate little dairy when she was young.. again due to poverty conditions in Europe. After those drugs she’d get split headaches that would affect her so badly she could barely stand up.
Your not an alcoholic yet since you don’t have the withdrawl symptoms yet, but your on your way. If you become dependent on alchohol which all beginner addicts say they “have control of” are incredibly wrong. Don’t put yourself in denial. Realize that you are becoming dependent on alcohol because if you weren’t you wouldn’t be using it at all.
I think the true solution to your sadness is a better enviornment. Moving, changing a job, going back to school, moving back in with relatives. Anything that will put you in a more positive enviornment will help you fight your depression. It is depression, trust me. Or atleast a pathway into depression.
So your main focus right now is to set a goal in life so you feel you have a purpose again.
Life is hard, but you should thank if not God then all the soldiers that died for you in the past for you to be able to live in this free country.
My grandmother has a grade 3 education thanks to nazis shutting down schools, she grew up during the second world war in the lower class. She survived communism and poverty. She moved to Canada at 57 and started a new life with my mom once they got sponsored to move here from Germany. When they got here they had no money and my mom once was a teacher, but could no longer work like that since her education did not count here. She began working in a steel factory. Met my father a russian. Got beaten while she was pregnant with me. Moved to start over again to another city. Met a new man. To this day we live in a nice house my step father helped us get. He grew up in a family of 11 children in Nova Scotia. His parents had little money and so he couldn’t afford school. At sixteen he moved out and moved to calgary and soon Ontario where he met my mom. Eight years later he owns a business and we have a happy family life.
So don’t tell me it’s impossible. Nothing impossible..
February 23rd, 2010 at 9:20 am
Well, it seems like your loneliness is the thing causing you to drink, I’m guessing you’re the kind of person who doesn’t like being alone. Just like, go out to a local club and see if you can get talking to anyone or whatever.
Oh and don’t worry about being attractive, from your picture (I’m not gay, I’m just commenting) you don’t look like an unattractive bloke and to be quite fair I’ve seen much much much worse looking men with hot girls.
February 23rd, 2010 at 3:50 pm
I too am an atheist, and i just moved to southern Cali. I plan on meeting girls and getting friends by spending $500 on clothes, and attending the local community college, there i will sit next to the beautiful people and make friends with them (its quite easy you just have to not disagree with **** they say and add to the conversation every now and then) so that I will get invited to parties. As far as chicks go, as long as you have good clothes you will have enough confidence to just flirt with any chick who sits next to you or stands neer you etc (dont worry most chicks around the age of 20 like to flirt with everyone too). The more chicks you flirt with the more fun you have, start hanging out with your friends that you make and drink with them (dancing with chicks when you are drunk is really fun cuz you dont give a **** about what people think). Alcohol is fun but you can usually control how much you drink if you are having fun while drinking that is really the key, as long as you have fun.
February 23rd, 2010 at 6:48 pm
This is a very dangerous position for you to be in. I found myself here two years ago. I was drinking every day and some days i had such a bad headache that i had to drink just to get rid of the hangover. I found myself in a spot where if i didn’t quit drinking, i would become just like my grandfather or my uncle. I wasn’t going to let that happen. I didn’t use counseling or AA but what I did do, was make the conscious decision to stop drinking. almost 3 years ago i became a born again Christian. two years ago i realized that I couldn’t be a light for God if I couldn’t remember what i had done the night before. I’m not telling you that you to turn to God and let everything be happy-go-lucky because that is not a realistic look at God. I will say though that God has helped me and held true to his promise that he will free those who trust him from their strongholds and complete the good work he began.
Even if God isn’t what you choose, the first step that you need to do is make the conscious decision to stop. You ARE NOT an alcoholic but drinking out of loneliness is a surefire way to get to that point.
I hope this helps you out.
++Squish++
February 23rd, 2010 at 10:47 pm
Your life is so messed up on so many levels. If you are for real and not making this up, I really have the best advice in the world. Look inside yourself, deeply, and ask yourself, “How would I view me.”
Spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically you have issues.
If you think you are an alcoholic, YOU ARE.
You know, “GOD” is not a person, “God” is a force in the universe responsible for not just YOUR existence but the existence of every”thing” in the universe. To “God” you are significant, but only in so much as you acknowledge that.
February 24th, 2010 at 5:38 am
living a life of solitude is a sure-fire way to depression and the resulting coping with alcohol and other things…
i’m an atheist as well, so i can relate to your not wanting to join AA – in fact, instead of joining an alcohol support group, how about joining a social group or signing up for a class where you can meet people who share similar interests to yours, that doesn’t involve alcohol? –
such as volunteering for charities, cooking, learning/playing music, interior decorating/antiques/collectibles, art/book clubs, or hey – how about a movie buff or film appreciation class or club?? – maybe you could even teach a class at continuing ed. night school – make a few bucks and meet people at the same time…btw, congrats on your top contributor status.