Wife Wants Couseling Now? After Cheating For 18 Months But Now Ants Divorce Two Days Later?
Posted by: Alan in Alcohol Counseling, tags: After, Ants, Cheating, Couseling, Days, Divorce, Later....., Months, Wants, Wife
wife left me and the kids…I am now a single father. Short story. She went kind of looney…dated guys…some half her age. Some older then her. Got addicted to alcohol, cyber,webcam sex some with 17 year olds..she is 35. She is currently in lvoe wiht an 18 year old from teh UK who she plays xbox live with and cybersexes with. Anyway she said this past tuesday that she lost feelings and trust for me and wants to go to counseling to try and sort this out and if it helps we can stay together if not move on. I dont know what trust she lost in me since I have been faithful? I filed for divorce about a yr ago. She was diagnosed bipolar in rehab but is not gettign treatment since she thinks she is fine. She also barely sees the kids and got a tattoo on her lower back after she left saying, ” Enjoy the Ride”
Anyway I said no to counseling since I am trying to move on….I think she needs help 1st. I thought maybe she would get help to better herself. two days later she said that she will now sign the divore paperwork once her benefirts go through at ehr job. (She is on my benefits) How do you go from wanting counseling to really wanting to complete the divorce in two days? She is hot and cold…why is this? Do you think she will want to stay marreid in two days? I just dont understand…its been this way for the apst 17 months!
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February 22nd, 2010 at 11:31 pm
Okay, here’s my thoughts. I work with drug addicts, alcoholics and men
& women with PTSD. There is one thing most alcoholics and addicts have in common. Trying to get over!! Right now she’s trying to get over on you. I think it’s great that you have taken on the responsibility of going ahead and raising your children like a real man. I don’t know how
young you were when you got married but, it seems to me that she’s trying to recapture her youth. Sometimes doing the right thing for all the
wrong reasons has a way of biting you in the ***. Addicts and alkies
both have severe mood swings and being dx as bipolar she can really
have you twisted. Look, count your loses and cut the chain of dependency. Good luck with the kids.
February 22nd, 2010 at 11:52 pm
She didn’t really want counseling. Why she told you that you may never know. For the sake of your sanity and your children’s, move on. She is out for a good time and does not want the responsibility of being a spouse or parent.
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:20 am
dude just move on and hope for the best when she comes to see the kids.
February 23rd, 2010 at 2:11 am
She is bi-polar, and it sounds like she is far from “treated”. One thing they do when they go so far out, is try to shift the blame so to speak…So hence, she stirs up the blame game and the “I’ve lost trust in YOU.” Gets your head stirring, even when you KNOW you’ve been a good guy. Its possible she will shift her thoughts again, that is about the only certainty you ever have with a person like this. You have tried, and now are slowly gaining the ability to move forward, (stick w/ that plan)…They kind of start to wig out when the person they were with really starts showing that they don’t NEED them anymore. Its a hard phase of this mess to get through…But stand your ground. This is your life, not hers…she doesn’t make YOUR rules. Live life like you know that. Take care, and wish you well.
February 23rd, 2010 at 2:23 am
People who are bipolar can go from one extreme (counseling) to the next (divorce) in a matter of minutes. Until she seeks medical help, you probably wont be able to tell what it is that she really wants. If I were you I would stick with the divorce. Try talking her into getting the help she needs. Once she is on the proper medication, she will be able to function properly and live a normal life again. Once she’s at that point you can discuss her having time with the children. Hang in there, it’s probably not going to be easy. But you have to look out for you and your children, they come first. She needs to work on taking care of herself.
I hope this helps, and good luck to you!
February 23rd, 2010 at 3:00 am
Equally important, do YOU want to remain married? She definitely needs some help if even half of what you say is true. Perhaps she felt you weren’t there for her emotionally and that brought on the loss of trust. At any rate, it’s a shame for your children, and I can totally relate due to a very similar situation in my own life. My step-son’s mother is bi-polar and fast and loose with her meds (I call her my wife-in-law) and its a constant roller-coaster of stress which is hardest on EJ. The most important things are the kids. If living together is turbulent, with a lot of fighting the best thing for them would be to stay apart. I know a lot of kids who were glad their parents divorced and they got a more peaceful environment. Ask yourself: what can I live with? What can I no longer tolerate? and most importantly; Are the kids better off with me alone? And answer them honestly, unselfishly, and thoughtfully. Good luck to you and yours, May Goddess bless you
February 23rd, 2010 at 7:08 am
I would go to therapy. Even though you didn’t do anything and she has been all over the board, knowing that you are willing to work on the marriage may be the sign she needs, may be she just wants to play the victim.
Go to therapy. If nothing else, you can walk away from the craziness knowing that you did everything in your power to save your marriage. BTW-you may be willing to move on but what about your kids. There will definitley be issues with the kids, therapy may help them through this situation as well.
February 23rd, 2010 at 7:41 am
OK J…she is Bipolar, that explains alot, but if you wish to continue going through the same thing over and over again,, get the help, but it’s not going to work, it hasn’t for 18 months. You really need to think about the children now and move on and let her go, and you’re right, she does need help and medication. ok think about this..lets say you try again with her, and a few months everything is fine, but out of the blue, shes gone and left you and the kids again, and you will feel that pain all over again and so will the kids. why put the kids through that. ok here’s another one, why would you want her back knowing of all the men she’s been with. she’s done things with those men that she hasn’t done with you. OK one more for the road..knowing that she’s bipolar, she could one day snap and hurt you or the children physically. Is that what you want? I know you’re still in love with her, but its time to let go and really move on. Please make the right decision for your kids sake, they deserve to grow up safe and happy.
February 23rd, 2010 at 8:22 am
Her behavior does sound like classic bipolar. One of my late aunts was bipolar and did nearly the very same things that you are describing about your wife. Until she gets help she really can’t help her behavior right now. Since you are still legally her husband it is possible that you could go to court and have a judge declare her incompetent into a hospital where she can be put on medication that will help bring her back down to where she might could be a little more reasonable. Once you divorce her the ball will no longer be in your court. I don’t know what the laws governing this are in Pennsylvania but this is how it goes in good ole Arkie. My mother and aunt always had to do this when my aunt went off of her meds or just her meds needed to be changed. This could very well be the in sickness and in health part of marriage vows. You are within your rights as well to go on and divorce her because she is so chemically imbalanced right now you need to protect your children.
February 23rd, 2010 at 11:37 am
BiPolar is no joke, its a serious mental illness. My husband is BiPolar and it can wreck havoc on a marriage.
If she is not willing to get treatment, from a psychiatrist, then there is nothing you can do for her. BiPolars are often addicted to drugs or alcohol and sexually promiscuous. They also deny their illness until the usually hit rock botton and realize they need help.
I would at very least separate from her. Make sure you get full custody and allow her supervised visitation. IF she decides to get help, then you two can attend marital counceling from there, but if she refuses help, it will be a constant up & down because that is what BiPolar causes.
February 23rd, 2010 at 3:18 pm
I think that you should just let her go…I don’t think its right to get treated that way and well for the kids..you can do it yourself…on the Other hand maybe going to counseling will help her with her problems and if you really can’t trust her anymore than do it for the kids you know?Look to tell you the truth kids go through a lot when parents aren’t together especially if the mother is away..if you really want her to let go than forget her and draw your attention to your kids…
February 23rd, 2010 at 8:58 pm
I am so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this but on the other hand a bit relief that I am not alone. You see, I dated a man who is bipolar. He did the same thing as your wife did, except, he was upfront and honest about it. Yes, he’s always the one to mess around and then make it sound like I am the one he has problems to trust.
The problem with this illness is real, it has taken lives and ruined lives. If the individual doesn’t want to get help, there is nothing you can do for them. In your case, it’s hard because you have kids together.
She will change her mind back and forth and it won’t change unless she is dedicated to taking medications, seeing a psychiatrist, a counselor and doing meditations. It’s a rough battle and it requires all her energy just focusing on herself. They cannot afford more energy in taking care of your kids or you or anything else.
Sad to say, if you love her, you will let her go. Let her find her sanity back because she won’t be able to find it if she has her previous responsibilities. She is no longer able to be your wife now.
The good thing is, by setting her free, you are also freeing up yourself for a better future. A better future for you and your kids. My heart goes out to them. I hope they are dealing with this okay. After all, they are the most vulnerable in this situation.
Some bipolars can’t even hold down a job…some took their lives, some…did worse thing. Just be thankful that things are not already worse than they are.
You must find strength…meditation will help, if you find it hard, just do it once a day. Try and keep still and breathe for 1 minute. Focus on the breathe and clear your mind. 1 minute a day..slowly increasing to 1 more minute the next day.
Once you are still, you will find answers. Best wishes to you.