Why Should I Go On? I’ve Thrown Away Every Opportunity Given To Me. I Want To Die.?
Posted by: Alan in Alcohol Counseling, tags: Away", Die., Every, Given, I've, Opportunity, Should, Thrown, Want
I’ve gotten in trouble 4 times in my life. 3 of which have been bad luck. I am 20 years old I had so much basketball talent in high school but threw it away because i got in trouble with alcohol and kicked off the sports team by a rule which later got changed and would have had no effect on me. and when i got in trouble in high school i was with a friend and he got off scott free and now plays ball for Miami Oh. I got in to college and took out mass student loans something that i am now regretting. I got the best job ever where i got half off school a free cell phone and got to drive amazing cars and eat amazing food everyday. I got arrested at a party in college where their were over 50 people and I was the only one arrested because i was “out of control”. I didn’t get fired from my job for it and I got a ton of advice. but I continued to party and drink with my college friends because lets be honest that’s all we do. I had a girlfriend for 2 years and I broke up with her because I didn’t want to marry her and I wanted to see what else was out their. I found a few girls and then found one that I am very interested in. But before I met her i got fired from my job for forgetting a job on a weekend and lieing about it when I got back. The next quarter of college i partied my *** off and had so much fun and met this new girl. but i got arrested again and this time for some reason I ran from the cops and then gave up and got caught for alcohol once again. I was literally walking down the street with a case of beer for 2 minutes when all night my other underage friend had been carrying it and I got caught. I’ve always had the worst luck and it kills me. I’ve thrown away every opportunity given to me and I don’t understand why. I am currently on house arrest and 2 years probation for my latest offense. and I am super depressed all the time, I have all the time in the world to focus on school but i cant because all i think about is regret. i want to die but I dont think i can kill myself. I just wish i was someone else and I could find the easy way out. I wish someone could relate to me. I have always had the best opportunities and the best people around to show me the way, but for some reason I havent cared and thrown them all down the drain. BUT I DO CARE and its not just because im in trouble now, i really do care and I cant fix it now. I feel it is too late to accomplish the things i want in life and that I will never be able to get over the regret I feel. any advice from anyone. I have went to counseling on my own and it hasn’t helped at all I just seem to turn down what everyone says “be positive your still in college and your only 20″ I didnt give a rats *** about that, ive had everything and ive thrown it all away and for what? so i could party as much as all my friends who have been given all the money they have ever needed from their parents. I dont know what to do and i would like to hear if anyone has any advice or words of wisdom.
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March 1st, 2010 at 8:18 am
I know you’re probably getting sick of hearing this and you’ve probably heard this before. But it’s true, you’re not in quite as bad a place as you could be. First of all, the fact that you even realize you have regrets and that you’ve wasted opportunities is a good sign; it means you’re not a complete idiot and you can hope to change. You haven’t actually killed anyone, committed an offense that’s landed you a life sentence, or been too seriously damaged yourself. I know there must be a lot of pain where you are, but the fact that you can even feel it is good. If you didn’t feel pain, you would have absolutely no motivation to change, and your life would continue to suck. I’ve known people in worse situations than you believe it or not, and whether or not they manage to “get over” the regrets they have depends largely on the attitude– you have to look at your experiences as something to learn from. Of course they regret they did it, but instead of being one of those people who wallows miserably in it for the rest of their lives, they pick up the pieces and put together a whole different puzzle, making sure never to trip up in quite the same way again.
Yes you could be further in life if you’d never done those things, but you stopped yourself soon enough that believe it or not, you’ve still got quite a while to make something absolutely amazing out of the time you’ve now got. Then there’s this: it sounds cheesy I know, but you know how the greatest artists and composers and musicians and actors are so great? They don’t shove their feelings in a box or try to stifle any pain they feel, they use it to create masterpieces. It’s kinda hard to explain, but where you are now can be used to get much greater perspective on where you could be–it’s still very possible for you to get there.
Good luck.