Alcoholism Recovery & Treatment » Alcohol Counseling

I Want To Leave My Husband, But Can’t Make The Decision.?

Alan — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 05:53:13 +0000

we have been married for 43 years. I am 60 yr old. He is a gemini which is two persons in one! he is drug and alcohol dependent. when he doesn’t have the drug you cannot talk to him or even be in the same room. So he then turns to alcohol which makes him dangerous. when he is on the drugs he is very agreeable and relaxed to live with.I have been on this roller coaster ride all these years. I DO NOT WANT to live the rest of my life like this! but I can’t seem to leave, I care about what happens to him, I’ll miss my home, I’m scared I won’t be able to support myself, I can’t live in an apartment without my animals! I don’t think I can mentally handle the separation. I will not ask him to sell the house or give me money. He has taken my sexuality away, no sex, We don’t talk unless hes high. I’ve been to counseling without success, they all want me to leave him! Someone help me, cause I can’t seem to make the decision.Then I think I’ve stood it out this long and now I’m going to leave him in our retirement years and he will die alone. As you can see I am very torn in the decision to do whats right for me! Thank you for listening.

Share and Enjoy:

I Want To Leave My Husband, But Can’t Make The Decision.?

Alan — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 00:42:38 +0000

Share and Enjoy:

Why Should I Go On? I’ve Thrown Away Every Opportunity Given To Me. I Want To Die.?

Alan — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 19:43:39 +0000

I’ve gotten in trouble 4 times in my life. 3 of which have been bad luck. I am 20 years old I had so much basketball talent in high school but threw it away because i got in trouble with alcohol and kicked off the sports team by a rule which later got changed and would have had no effect on me. and when i got in trouble in high school i was with a friend and he got off scott free and now plays ball for Miami Oh. I got in to college and took out mass student loans something that i am now regretting. I got the best job ever where i got half off school a free cell phone and got to drive amazing cars and eat amazing food everyday. I got arrested at a party in college where their were over 50 people and I was the only one arrested because i was “out of control”. I didn’t get fired from my job for it and I got a ton of advice. but I continued to party and drink with my college friends because lets be honest that’s all we do. I had a girlfriend for 2 years and I broke up with her because I didn’t want to marry her and I wanted to see what else was out their. I found a few girls and then found one that I am very interested in. But before I met her i got fired from my job for forgetting a job on a weekend and lieing about it when I got back. The next quarter of college i partied my *** off and had so much fun and met this new girl. but i got arrested again and this time for some reason I ran from the cops and then gave up and got caught for alcohol once again. I was literally walking down the street with a case of beer for 2 minutes when all night my other underage friend had been carrying it and I got caught. I’ve always had the worst luck and it kills me. I’ve thrown away every opportunity given to me and I don’t understand why. I am currently on house arrest and 2 years probation for my latest offense. and I am super depressed all the time, I have all the time in the world to focus on school but i cant because all i think about is regret. i want to die but I dont think i can kill myself. I just wish i was someone else and I could find the easy way out. I wish someone could relate to me. I have always had the best opportunities and the best people around to show me the way, but for some reason I havent cared and thrown them all down the drain. BUT I DO CARE and its not just because im in trouble now, i really do care and I cant fix it now. I feel it is too late to accomplish the things i want in life and that I will never be able to get over the regret I feel. any advice from anyone. I have went to counseling on my own and it hasn’t helped at all I just seem to turn down what everyone says “be positive your still in college and your only 20″ I didnt give a rats *** about that, ive had everything and ive thrown it all away and for what? so i could party as much as all my friends who have been given all the money they have ever needed from their parents. I dont know what to do and i would like to hear if anyone has any advice or words of wisdom.

Share and Enjoy:

What Is The Right Thing To Do I’m A Wife Who Cheated And Now…?

Alan — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 12:03:49 +0000

I’ve been married 7 yrs. w/ a 6 and 4 yr. old. It was OK until about 2002 when I discovered my minister husband had a porn addiction. For the next 4 yrs. he would lie and hide it and I would be heartbroken every time I found more.
I started seeing a counselor and became very depressed. For 5 yrs. now I have alone and isolated. I stared to abuse alcohol and prescription pills last fall.
Last Nov. I had a few drinks w/ a friend and met one of her husband’s single friends, he started pursuing me like crazy. I spent a few drunken nights with him. The sex was heavily influenced by alcohol and I know I would not have wanted to if I wasn’t smashed.
I knew him for only about 4 wks. when my husband found a text from him. My husb. was devastated, he got very crazy and semi-violent. He would throw things and break them and call me a whore and tell me I was nothing and worthless and engage in stalking behaviors. He made constant death threats on him. Christmas day he was screaming to my mom that she was a b*tch right in front of our kids.
I thought about leaving him, we went to counseling, my co-workers (who knew nothing of any of this) confronted me saying he was “creepy” and “abusive”. The counselor thought he was not good to be around. I came to the decision that it doesn’t matter what I want but what will give the girls the best life b/c he is a good dad.
He cleans the house, never spends any money on himself, he doesn’t drink, he (as far as I know) isn’t using porn, compliments me, prays for and with the kids, and seems to try to do the right thing.
He hasn’t had a crazy episode in a while (about 4 months) but when he has them he will say anything and everything around the kids and make constant references to this other guy. He believes all of our relationship problems were caused by me.
I feel deep in my heart that I have cursed my family and have become suicidal (just in thoughts). I know he is in pain and what I did was wrong. But I try to avoid being around him and now I have found myself attracted to another guy and feeling like I care for him. I’m not going to act on these feelings but I am scared by it.
He (husb.) tells me I’m beautiful but I think I’m hideous. I also think he always wants me skinnier/ better looking even though he doesn’t say it. He encouraged me to get breast implants. He surprised me with laser hair removal b/c he wants me hair free. I mentioned I might try the master-cleanse diet but wasn’t ready yet and he went all out buying all of the supplies. Even though I am within my healthy weight range. I never withhold sex from him but have trouble wanting him sexually.
My mom wasted her life staying with an abuser only to end up lonely in the end.
In our relationship there is just a void. I am jealous of women who say “I love my husband” because I want so badly to love him.
I am now on anti-depressants and hoping life will improve.
When I imagined my life I never thought I’d be living like this. I was someone who always sacrificed to do the right thing and now I have done the worst thing possible.
The children are all that matter and I don’t want to hurt them. I’m afraid he will hurt me or stalk me if I try to leave him. When I mentioned divorce and he said he would “fight me tooth and nail.” Yet he says all he wants is for me to be happy.
I am so confused about the right thing to do. And I don’t know if any of this is abusive or I am just unconsciously trying to get away from him.
His parents have never divorced. My parents have both divorced several times. So I don’t want to be quick to divorce. He keeps saying we can work this out and God wants us to and Satan is fighting it. I want to believe he’s right and he does really love me but I am so confused…please if you can help it will mean a lot..

Share and Enjoy:

Meps 2 Dui Have To See Shrink?

Alan — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 05:48:38 +0000

i just got back from MEPs and i did my asvab and physical. I passed all my tests. When asked in my physical (have I ever been arrested for alcohol/ drug related reasons) I stated truthfully that I had 2 DUIs 12 yrs ago. He ordered a psych test. He said according to the regulations anyone with 2 or more alcohol offenses must be cleared by a shrink. I laughed because I don’t even drink anymore. Dose anyone know how long this process takes as in setting up a shrink counseling? Or where I might find that DUI guideline posting. I understand some what I guess you must be crazy to be a scout.
With all this ive always been up front and i guess thats what really matters for my security clearance.
Thank you
ARMY STRONG

Share and Enjoy:

I Am A Horrible Wife, Mother Person, And I Don’t Know What To Do?

Alan — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 23:46:37 +0000

Ok, I will try to make it short. I have been married for 12 years, I got married shortly after I turned 19, we knew each other only 8 months before we got married. Throughout these 12 years we have had many ups and so many downs. We have gone through 2 miscarriages, 2 births to healthy baby boys. We have dealt with domestic violence, I told him I was leaving him once and he punched me several times in the arm and the leg. I have begged him for more attention and affection and all he ever gave me was a hard time and then would give me a hard time about how I didn’t put out enough or give him enough freaky sex. When we first got married there was a girl who was in love with him who liked to talk about how good of a father he would make and how she knew him so much longer than I did and how good he looked naked (in front of our co-workers) and when I asked him to tell her to stop he refused and told me I was overreacting. I cheated on him after 7 years, several times while I was deployed. I found naked pics of ladies on his computer and emails of him making an appointment with some girls from craigslist which he says he didn’t follow through with. He told me he only started doing that after I told him about my indiscretions yet I found emails from prior to (which I’m not too mad about because I was doing wrong then, its about what he told me). I can add many more. I have been going to counseling and I am on antidepressants, I have struggled with depression since i was a teenager, I used cutting as a coping mechanism and alcohol to self medicate as a young adult and I have had several suicidal gestures and tried to overdose once in the past year. There’s a lot to tell about the past year since that’s how long it’s been since I told him about my indiscretions and I understand that he’s upset, rightfully so, however he tells me that he forgives me then later on proceeds to yell at me for what I did. He tells me that he trusts me again then brings everything up and tells me how horrible what I did was (which I agree with) every few weeks, I listen to him go off on me for at least 30 minutes on how at least he didn’t lie, at least he didn’t betray my trust, at least he didn’t put me at risk, at least he didn’t do the worst thing anyone could ever do. Now he says he can’t take this life because people use him and then dump him. I have tried to leave in the past but it’s always been an all or nothing thing with him. I begged to go to marriage counseling over the years. Finally he agrees to go then wants to stop going after a few sessions. He wants to go now that I want to leave. He says he’s done with this life because I used him. I am at my ropes end (literally) and I don’t know what to do. I have a months worth of Ambien that I feel like i need to take soon.

Share and Enjoy:

I Am A Horrible Wife, Mother Person, And I Don’t Know What To Do?

Alan — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 17:58:38 +0000

Share and Enjoy:

Life Skills Please Help, Best Answer Gets 10 Points !!?

Alan — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 05:54:57 +0000

Match the term with its definition.
regular health care provider such as a family physician
counselor
American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM)
clergy, religious educators, and church administrators
Employee Assistance Professionals (EAPs)
Al-Anon and Alateen
State Alcohol and Drug Abuse Authority
Substance Abuse Professionals (SAPs)
A. physicians should be certified by this Association to treat substance abuse and addiction.
B. this is where you should start in your search for help for substance abuse
C. this program is available in companies with as little as 10 employees and as large as 10,000 employees. It is a confidential resource used and trusted by millions of people each year.
D. these programs provide support for friends and families of people with substance abuse problems.
E. this person should be licensed to treat drug and alcohol addictions. Your doctor may refer you to one with a good reputation in your area.
F. these people have counseling skills but may not necessarily be licensed counselors. They may be able to provide assistance or advice.
G. if you are seeking help from a treatment center, make sure they are approved by this organization.
H. counselors that are individually certified to treat substance abuse and addiction.

Share and Enjoy:

What Is An Article 92 Military Law?

Alan — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 23:56:40 +0000

My daughter is currently in AIT MOS 35MI, she recently got a counseling statement, on the document her sgt wrote “Recommendation for Article 92″. I looked this up online and the punishment seems really bad. She told me she has to go to UCMJ. The act she commited was as follows: Off duty, in uniform on base, drinking with other soilders in training, she got alcohol poisoning and was found face down in the mud by her sgt. who then rushed her to emergency. Can someone please tell me what can possibly happen to her from here? She also told me she will be chaptered out and will have to go to a Alcohol Abuse Program on post, the chaptering out was not officially documented yet. Based on my research online I am losing my mind back home worried sick that she does not end up in military prison. Does anyone have any information on what might happen to her? Please help. Desperate Single Mom

Share and Enjoy:

Should I Give My Hubby Another Chance?!?

Alan — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 12:07:16 +0000

Me and my hubby have been together 4 yrs. and have a 3 yr. old daughter and 2 yr. old son. Everything was good in the beginning,but for the past 2 yrs. he finds every little excuse to leave. If i say one little thing that he doesnt like,he will use it as an excuse to pack his crap and leave! I’m so scared to even talk around him,because i dont know if I will say something to make him leave. He leaves us about every 3 weeks, its like he has a schedule of when to leave! He stays gone a couple days and then calls me crying and begging to come back,saying the same story over again….that he’s sorry and he will change,and like a dumb a** I always take him back,well because I love him and the kids are so attached to him,they cry everytime he leaves.He has left us over 20 times,and I am so exhausted with trying to work things out with him.He has tried counseling but gave up after the 1st visit,I have asked him why he always leaves,he denies a drug/alcohol problem(even though he gets wasted everytime he leaves),and he denies having any affairs as well.He left this last time,and called 2 days later begging and crying saying he will go to counseling if I let him back.I’m scared too….I have heard it too many times before from him.Is it worth it to give him another chance or am I just setting myself up for failure again?

Share and Enjoy: