Alcoholism Recovery & Treatment

I am a 47 year old female and have been married to the same man for almost 21 years. It seems that lately he is easily agitated, has no patience for our 2 boys (ages 15 and 11) and critiques everything we say and/or do. He tends to “bark” orders at us instead of calmly communicating. He has a bit of OCD (changes clothes 2 or 3x before leaving the house), goes back into the house several times for no reason before leaving, constantly sniffles, etc…He seems to only want to do what he wants to do and makes us all feel guilty if we differ from his interests. I don’t know if this a mid-life crisis issue but it’s becoming more and more difficult to be around him. When he drinks alcohol, he can’t seem to know when to stop and usually ends up ridiculously drunk and does the stupidest things. When I try to discuss with him he instantaneously gets agitated and claims that I want to start a fight which is NOT the case. Please help…it’s getting harder and harder by the day…

I’m confused about life.. and have been for about my entire life… im 19 years old.. i live with my boyfriend..we have a nice townhouse.. i work 6 days a week… and have a nice car.. but inside i just feel lost.. i mean not about me and him but about everything… i dont have any real friends because i dont trust anyone…i hang out with people but i would never tell them my personal business… and i think that keeps me from having close friends.. I have never talked to anyone except my boyfriend about my life… From the time i was born until i was 16 my mom was addicted to crack and alcohol, i made dinner, washed teh clothes, cleaned the house, did the dishe, and every house chore you could imagine… because she just wouldnt come home.. i was doing these things by the time i was 5 years old.. I had a dad but he worked about 16 hours a day and he was never home either…She left me in crack houses for days and would forget to come get me, she never showed up to take me to my first day of kindergarden, and about a million other things like that… i was the lonliest angriest child you would have ever met.. i wasnt a bad kid… i didnt lie and i didnt steal and i didnt have tantrums… i was just very very sad and angry inside..I didnt go outside to play, because i had to make dinner.. or do somthing like that, and i always felt that over time how i felt inside would go away.. and it never ever did. When i was 16 my mom got sober ahha well by then I didnt even live at home anymore I lived with my boyfriend, she didnt try to tell me what to do though… because she knew that i wasnt going to listen.. She always just said i had to learn things on my own, and for bad choices there were consequences… I probably seen my dad beat my mom over 700 times in my life… when i met my boyfriend i was 14 years old.. and it was the first time that all of that weight came off my shoulders.. and i really truly smiled for the first time in years… I know im rambeling.. but there are thousands of things i could say.. i just dont know how… i dont know you guys so its easy to just talk.. but anyways i always thought the feelings i had when i was little would just go away, and I do my best to lead a normal life… but i find myself drinking quite a bit and i hate it because I know what it can lead too… me and my mom have a pretty good relationship now.. i mean i dont feel like i can talk to her about personal things but she has a job she goes to everyday.. and she had been sober for quite some time.. and she doesnt know how i feel and i would never tell her either.. because if i ever say anything about it she gets sick to her stomach.. but my real question is would it be in my best intersest to go and talk to somone.. or should i just stay how i am.. i mean i dont really think it would make a difference about how i feel, and im sure what i feel inside will always be there.. so what should i do?

My family has been going through a lot of turmoil through the last few years, mainly based around my mother.
My older brother started to abuse alcohol and drugs in his early teens, attempted suicide before leaving middle school, and has been arrested countless times for various, stupid acts.
My younger sister has had one hell of an attitude for as long as I can remember, and gets into frequent spats with all of the members of our family. Her most recent stunt is not coming home at all last night, and not bothering to call. She’s barely 15. She did the same thing earlier this summer, leaving the family to worry sick. She was less than unapologetic both times.
I’m the mostly normal one, besides the fact that I’ve gone untreated for depression since the I was 13 years old, and that I ran away for three days when I was 16. I live with many personal ailments that I’m afraid to bring up to my overbearing, sarcastic, oblivious mother.
My dad takes it all in stride, and uses sensitivity to try to solve things. Bless his heart, the only person he seems to get through to is me. My mom claims that he doesn’t set boundaries, and that’s why we continue to have problems. They are constantly fighting about how to raise us kids, and how we should have raised my brother, who now lives on his own. My mom threatens that she might move out soon, that she cannot stand to live with my dad and his thoughts. I’m 18, and I can’t stand to listen to her immaturity for much longer. I’m at my breaking point, and I would really like to solve this once and for all.
Any advice?

I referred a friend to a counselor, but the therapist is very boring(she says). The therapist does very little talking, and add to the conversation as needs or she feels. She (the therapist) rarely ask questions. The check is however deposited either that day or the very next day. At the end of the session-the conversation ends and nothing else is said and i mean nothing. Even if you comment that it is a nice day, she says nothing. This is ok because we understand that business is business. Also, I do believe there is a form of therapy where the client just says everything and the counselor feeds off of that. In this case, the woman says nothing and the client say nothing and it get to a point where they are just looking at each other. Eventually the client just makes up anything-it could be about a shoe. And yes of course, the therapist says “what is it about a shoe”.
let me add, there is no drugs, alcohol or any abusive situation. She just felt that she should talk to someone regarding a health (cardio) issue-which rarely comes up in any conversation. How do you get out of this and discontinue the service.

First…..you mess up and get a DUI. The ACT counselor may want further classes/sessions depending on the quiz that was filled out. If your father, who you haven’t seen since 13, has a history of drug and alcohol abuse in his youth will you really need more classes? Even though staying away from alcohol for 8 months? I’m expecting she’s just play the “denial” card and go down that path. How can you deny denial? Aside from actions. A DUI is a traffic violation. The cycle of counselors making efforts to make a buck here and there is relentless. They make their own return customers by failing them. I understand, some need help. But crap man. I guess I’m just a little apprehensive of the whole extortion game. Any advise?