Alcoholism Recovery & Treatment

I have a lot of suicidal emotional pain. I writhe in pain and abuse meds by mixing oxys with alcohol. I live alone and am in lots of trauma counseling. But when I am alone at home… I am suicidal. Need suggestions on how to cope with suicidal pain… I am fighting to live. I can’t just keep calling 911. It is getting expensive going to hospitals all the time. And drug overdoses knock me out… but are only temporary solutions.