Alcoholism Recovery & Treatment

Question by Yard: If the drinking age gets raised to 25 or 30, would that stop kids from drinking alcohol?
The drinking age is 21 and there is still so many high school kids drinking. Why cant they raise it more so they stop drinking? Is there a way to stop all of them from drinking completely?

Best answer:

Answer by marina
haha

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Replies directing to legal counsel or “comments” about former husband are not sought here. Only seeking direction of how to explain depression to my kids.
Basic info…(lengthy yet shared in hopes of reply to aid for info. sought)…
My kids ages today…son (almost 17) and two daughters (20, 23).
At time of divorce their ages were son (11) and daughters (14, 17).
Was married 23 yrs. now divorced 6 yrs. I had initiated divorce and their dad agreed.
Divorce…There was NO physical abuse, cheating, alcohol, drugs.
Reason for divorce…during last 6 yrs of marriage we grew apart. He became neglectful, sex once every few months, condescending, putting me down, began raising his voice to me more and more. I was beginning to feel “small”, not important, empty, etc. so I finally called it done.
Week after divorce proceedings began I went into deep depression. Divorce right thing to do, yet still felt very grieved and sad over parting ways with him and our marriage ending.
I had 80% custody and their dad 20% in addition to other times they wanted to get together.
After divorce process, my depression lightened yet was still there. Their dad “encouraged” my kids frustration over my depressed behavior.
Three years after divorce, at request of my second daughter, I allowed my two younger kids to move in with their dad. (Eldest was at college). The understanding and agreement was that I was still to see them, just switching main household.
As soon as they went to live with their dad, all my kids stopped seeing and talking to me. Former husband would say, “Just give them time…be patient.”
Didn’t do the”custody switch” through court as didn’t want to put my kids through that.
Kids not coming ’round, waiting and patience ran out so I sought co-parenting counseling.
Neither their dad or I are in any other relationship.
Today…three months ago my former husband and I returned to co-parenting counseling and last session the counselor suggested I find something for my kids to read or me write letter to them explaining how depression can effect a person. Not looking for excuse for my past depression, simply seeking info. or the words to explain how depression at times reflects out to others. Had always been good mother, but during that time frame of depression my behavior was…deep sadness and grief that out-formed as crying, agitation, focus on cooking, laundry, etc. weakened.
Have long since healed from the depression, yet since my kids won’t see me they don’t see how I am today which is the mother they knew before the divorce.
Anyway…many web-sites and books found, but find it challenging to locate info.of this scenario of mother explaining depression to her kids. My former husband and I can talk and get along okay, yet I feel there’s still hurt, anger on his part due to divorce. Getting back together again? We get along “okay”, yet to be married…no.
Do you know of any books, web-sites, OR suggestions in your own words to share that would explain why their mother “wigged out” (depression) during that time. People get “ill” in various ways but do heal again. How to explain that type of illness to my kids when many don’t see depression as an illness?
Have next co-parenting session in two weeks and it’s challenging to find info. that would “speak” to my kids with the emotions and age they are today. Only info. the counselor has on this is the text-book depression info. and my former husband says “he doesn’t know”. So, I’m left to find info. on this alone.
Any suggestions in how to explain past depression as it applies to this scenario?
Thanks much.
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I decided to get information on what a separation means from an on-base attorney. My husband has threatened to cancel my debit/credit card to our joint account if I leave and I wanted to make sure I would be financially ok for our kids. My husband was supposed to have gone with me to speak with him because I wanted my husband to know his rights too, but at the last minute he didn’t want either one of us to go and was upset with me when I went anyway. When I got home he told me there’s no way he’d let me have the kids and he’d fight tooth and nail to keep them. I asked why he didn’t think I would be able to take care of them and he said, “I don’t. You’re a great mother. But you will NOT get them. I’ll fight until you lose them.” I don’t have a job or money of my own because we had decided that I would stay home with our kids. I plan on getting a job if we separate because I don’t want our kids to grow up the way I did, pretty much in poverty. It’s a fear of mine. He’s in the military and deploys a few times a year. He’s admitted he’s an alcoholic but refuses to get treatment. He’s not emotionally stable and has a terrible temper. He’s trying to get counseling through our church because it’s anonymous though, but even they said he needs to seek a higher form of counseling. I’m going to counseling as well, and we were going to counseling together but he doesn’t want to go back because he says he’s picked on and made to feel evil.
I don’t hate him, actually I love him very much I just can’t live with the drinking, lies and anger. This is tearing me apart, and I don’t want him to come across as only the things I’ve mentioned. He’s a good father when alcohol and depression isn’t involved, actually, he’s a good husband then too. He just isn’t getting help and it’s wearing on me and the kids too. I’m sorry if I come across as a terrible wife.

My kids are 12 & 14. They don’t know that their dad is an alcoholic who was always angry – but never physically violent – was never wanting to participate or attend their events and chose to work overtime rather than come home for Xmas after being away for 2 months! My son says we’re no longer a family and resents me for telling their dad I wanted a divorce without trying to work it out. I endured 18 years of his depression and alcohol abuse. Was I wrong to shield the kids from it – and is it something that they should be told as they are not currently aware as to why I wanted to get away from their dad. I couldn’t live with someone who was incapable of showing any kind of love or affection, someone who was emotionally closed off and tried to solve his problems by drinking….should I persue counselling with my kids to help them better understand that their dad killed the the love I once held for him and the marriage but I just let go first?

I have been stuck in a dilemma for 1 year now and I’m still no closer to the answer which will allow me to move on in some way. I have a very specific career and the locations for my kind of work are few and far between. When I lost my job in my hometown (I live in England), I had to move my family 175 miles away. But soon after starting my new job, the mother of my two young children (we were never married) left me and took them back to our hometown (it was the 3rd breakup and there is no going back even if I wanted to for various reasons). For 1 year now I travel to see my children every 2 weeks for a weekend. The problem is I still can’t cope without seeing my children every day, having a family was my life. There is nothing stopping me seeing them every weekend (it is a long and hard journey after working all week and getting back to start work again). However, if I see them every week it limits my chances of moving on and starting a new life where I live now. I really want to get married and have more children in the future, having a family was my calling and joy in life. But I guess even more, I am lucky to have children already but have never experienced any joys of being in a proper relationship (having had such a bad one for so long).
Anyway, perhaps I’ve been through the worst ((the depression, counselling, alcohol miss-use etc) but basically I still can’t decide whether:
1 – I keep things as they are with seeing the children every 2 weeks and try and start a new life where I am (hopefully meeting someone etc). But this way I miss my children a lot and wonder if I will regret missing so much of them growing up in the future (the youngest has only just turned 2 years old)?
2 – Go to see them every weekend (which will seem like a lot more often than I’m used to). However, this may hinder having a life where I live and although I will see the children a lot – I haven’t moved on yet personally within the last year and things just see like they are getting worse, not better?
3 – Throw away a career that has taken 15 years to build up to and pursue a new career nearer my children (Although I can’t guarantee it, my ex is unlikely to move from our hometown). I could see the children more often and even when not with them, I know if I needed to get to them for any reason, I could do so quickly (rather than at least 3 hours on the motorway like the present). This too could affect my chances of moving on by spending a lot of time with the kids when not working. Also, a career change is a big gamble, my job is so specific that it is very hard to transfer my skills, it will mean a very large pay cut and this could be very difficult for practical reasons. I guess this is what I would like to do the most, but seems the least favourable in terms of a new relationship and career.
What do you think? The last year has been hell for me, sounds selfish I know – but I miss my kids and family life so much and don’t know if I can ever get used to that, doesn’t feel that way. Any advice would be greatly appreciated (it’s hard to decide if my decision should be powered by emotional or practical reasons?) – Thanks…