Alcoholism Recovery & Treatment

we have been married for 43 years. I am 60 yr old. He is a gemini which is two persons in one! he is drug and alcohol dependent. when he doesn’t have the drug you cannot talk to him or even be in the same room. So he then turns to alcohol which makes him dangerous. when he is on the drugs he is very agreeable and relaxed to live with.I have been on this roller coaster ride all these years. I DO NOT WANT to live the rest of my life like this! but I can’t seem to leave, I care about what happens to him, I’ll miss my home, I’m scared I won’t be able to support myself, I can’t live in an apartment without my animals! I don’t think I can mentally handle the separation. I will not ask him to sell the house or give me money. He has taken my sexuality away, no sex, We don’t talk unless hes high. I’ve been to counseling without success, they all want me to leave him! Someone help me, cause I can’t seem to make the decision.Then I think I’ve stood it out this long and now I’m going to leave him in our retirement years and he will die alone. As you can see I am very torn in the decision to do whats right for me! Thank you for listening.

we have been married for 43 years. I am 60 yr old. He is a gemini which is two persons in one! he is drug and alcohol dependent. when he doesn’t have the drug you cannot talk to him or even be in the same room. So he then turns to alcohol which makes him dangerous. when he is on the drugs he is very agreeable and relaxed to live with.I have been on this roller coaster ride all these years. I DO NOT WANT to live the rest of my life like this! but I can’t seem to leave, I care about what happens to him, I’ll miss my home, I’m scared I won’t be able to support myself, I can’t live in an apartment without my animals! I don’t think I can mentally handle the separation. I will not ask him to sell the house or give me money. He has taken my sexuality away, no sex, We don’t talk unless hes high. I’ve been to counseling without success, they all want me to leave him! Someone help me, cause I can’t seem to make the decision.Then I think I’ve stood it out this long and now I’m going to leave him in our retirement years and he will die alone. As you can see I am very torn in the decision to do whats right for me! Thank you for listening.

The Behavior of Alcoholic
“Alcohol addiction is a clear example of what I call a Love Buster because it causes so much suffering in marriage.” According to Dr. Harley, the Marriage Builders Counseling & Coaching Center. Besides being physically and emotionally harmful to alcoholics addiction is also harmful to those of who loves it so much. There are so many people who lives have been ruined because they married alcoholics or there is an alcoholic in their family. We are going to discuss the behaviors and feelings felt by the child/partner of a substance abuser and the behavior of Lorna Crozier’s mother and hers typical feeling in the story ‘What Stays in the Family’.
‘Addiction makes abuser insensitive to everyone who cares for them.’ Said by Dr. Harley. In the story Lorna’s mother had to mortify the shameful feeling of her alcoholic husband. In her whole life she has been to keep that in secret, and she also became an independent and a supportive woman for her family. Because she could not trust and depend on her husband anymore such as ‘when mom would ask for grocery money, he’d hand her a one-dollar bill with the attitude of a patron bestowing great gifts-and for that she’d almost have to beg’ (page78). He broke her heart so she wants to work, the idea of that was she could make some money, and she did not have to face him everyday. Moreover, Lorna’s mother not only goes to work, but also had her social life for example, ‘I can’t remember her getting together with women friends for a night on the town, but she curled and bowled in afternoon ladies’ leagues, and she met her neighbors for coffee once a week. If she wasn’t working’ (page79). She also has her own mind, she created a lot of lies to hide her family secret.
‘The fear that I have been tricking people has been with me almost all my life’ (page80). Said by Lorna. Under her mother’s influence Lorna must have to keep this shameful family secret as well for example, ‘I couldn’t tell anyone the real reason that mom and I walked everywhere’ (page79). Due to her father, she hides her real personality such as ‘On the surface I was well-adjusted, popular, optimistic. Inside I burned with shame’ (page80).
While she denied this disgrace secret, she also uses her creativity to make lies as well. For example, ‘What our secret meant in small and practical terms was that I couldn’t ask a girlfriend to sleep over if mom thought dad was on a toot’ (page79). And ‘I couldn’t tell my high-school boyfriend why I didn’t ask him to spend Christmas with my family when he was left alone’ (page80). Over all these sources are proved Lorna’s low self-esteem, humiliation and mortification.
According to the research from Al-Anon article they summarized that how to treat a relationship with alcoholic are ‘Detachment’ and ‘Forgiveness’. First ‘Detachment means to separate ourselves emotionally and spiritually from other people’ from Al-Anon (page2). Al-Anon article also said that alcoholic just like a disease, we should not take this behavior personally ‘in time we can learn to say to ourselves, “That’s just alcoholism” and let it go’ (page 2). Second ‘Forgiveness is no favor. We do it for no one but ourselves. We simply pay too high a price when we refuse to forgive’ (page 5). They mean people should forgive those of who did something wrong instead memorized in out heart. Lorna and her mother’s typical behaviors and feelings that is normal because they were just sucking in and was normal that they feel shameful and disgraceful. No one wants to tell anyone the family secret because that is a stigma for them. And at the end Lorna and her mother did forgive the dad, no matter how bad the dad was the mother even go back to take care of him because he got cancer at the end. They both sacrificed to protest the truth.

I have a lot of suicidal emotional pain. I writhe in pain and abuse meds by mixing oxys with alcohol. I live alone and am in lots of trauma counseling. But when I am alone at home… I am suicidal. Need suggestions on how to cope with suicidal pain… I am fighting to live. I can’t just keep calling 911. It is getting expensive going to hospitals all the time. And drug overdoses knock me out… but are only temporary solutions.