I lived my last 10 yrs with a husband who was addicted to marijuana, alcohol, porn, has had 4 DUI’s in the past 5 years, now has a revoked drivers license for the next 4 years and had an affair in 2004 and most recently is in an affair with his gas station manager who never divorced her husband, sold her house in another state and actually purchased a home six blocks from my home. My husband left me and our 10 yr old son in Feb 2008 and now lives with her. I am 47, he is 41. Wow, looking at what I just wrote it looks like I am the crazy one for staying with him. That’s what happens when we think we can change someone. I don’t do drugs, drink very seldom, have a good paying job, I am attractive but very overweight from depression and lack of self esteem. I took care of him, my son, and everything else in the our home from bills to household problems. I took care of everything except myself, and look where I am today. Sex was no problem in the beginning but now I realize it was because I always initiated. When I got tired of initiating, being ignored, going everywhere with my son alone (and not my husband) and so much more, the sex stopped, not because I was going to teach him a lesson, but because I was not interested anymore. Sex was not important to me anymore. You want to give affection when you get affection. After all of this, my husband was able to walk out of this house and away from our son and I blaming me for the affairs, no sex, I was overweight, I was never going to change, he had no money, (he mostly worked as a gas station attendant) and the story goes on and on. He walked out of marriage counseling after we talked about my problems and started on his. He has never been physically abusive, called me any names, he gave me all his paychecks minus his $30.00 a week weed money, he did dishes, the laundry, cooked some meals, was the bathroom cleaner and never once in 10 yrs complained about watching our son or complained of having to take our son with him anywhere (he did not drink but did smoke the weed). So I looked at him as being this very good husband and father because of the few things he did do. I then figured out that he was like a child and quickly doing his household “chores” so he could then go out and play as he had admitted, his jobs were at minimum wage, he was more interested in smoking weed and having oreo’s and milk after work than showing his wife any attention (for years) and more. I have been in counseling for 14 months with a drug and rehab counselor, not because I have drug/alcohol addictions, but I was trying to figure out my husbands behavior and why he would shack up with his boss instead of working on our marriage. It’s simple, I finally set some boundaries in my marriage, his desperate married girlfriend allows him to smoke weed not only at home but right before they go to work, he drives her new truck with a revoked license, she didn’t want kids so has no other responsibilities therefore has time for sex that I am sure she always initiates. I tell myself she thinks she got Willy Wonka and the golden ticket, but all she got was Willy Wonka. This is my problem, why do I feel like she is looking at me as the loser because she has my husband, like I am the wife that didn’t give my husband sex, didn’t take care of myself, didn’t pay enough attention to him, ect…. What pyscho would actually “purchase” their home 6 blocks away from the current wife as if to say, ha, ha, I got your husband. Can someone please help me to understand why I hate her so much when I am the normal one and she and he are not. The counselor, who knows my husband also, explains to me that I am the normal one, maybe not normal for being with my husband for so long, but that the marriage crumbled along time ago because of the substance abuse. Can I please get some views on this except what an idiot I was.
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