Alcoholism Recovery & Treatment

I’ve gotten in trouble 4 times in my life. 3 of which have been bad luck. I am 20 years old I had so much basketball talent in high school but threw it away because i got in trouble with alcohol and kicked off the sports team by a rule which later got changed and would have had no effect on me. and when i got in trouble in high school i was with a friend and he got off scott free and now plays ball for Miami Oh. I got in to college and took out mass student loans something that i am now regretting. I got the best job ever where i got half off school a free cell phone and got to drive amazing cars and eat amazing food everyday. I got arrested at a party in college where their were over 50 people and I was the only one arrested because i was “out of control”. I didn’t get fired from my job for it and I got a ton of advice. but I continued to party and drink with my college friends because lets be honest that’s all we do. I had a girlfriend for 2 years and I broke up with her because I didn’t want to marry her and I wanted to see what else was out their. I found a few girls and then found one that I am very interested in. But before I met her i got fired from my job for forgetting a job on a weekend and lieing about it when I got back. The next quarter of college i partied my *** off and had so much fun and met this new girl. but i got arrested again and this time for some reason I ran from the cops and then gave up and got caught for alcohol once again. I was literally walking down the street with a case of beer for 2 minutes when all night my other underage friend had been carrying it and I got caught. I’ve always had the worst luck and it kills me. I’ve thrown away every opportunity given to me and I don’t understand why. I am currently on house arrest and 2 years probation for my latest offense. and I am super depressed all the time, I have all the time in the world to focus on school but i cant because all i think about is regret. i want to die but I dont think i can kill myself. I just wish i was someone else and I could find the easy way out. I wish someone could relate to me. I have always had the best opportunities and the best people around to show me the way, but for some reason I havent cared and thrown them all down the drain. BUT I DO CARE and its not just because im in trouble now, i really do care and I cant fix it now. I feel it is too late to accomplish the things i want in life and that I will never be able to get over the regret I feel. any advice from anyone. I have went to counseling on my own and it hasn’t helped at all I just seem to turn down what everyone says “be positive your still in college and your only 20″ I didnt give a rats *** about that, ive had everything and ive thrown it all away and for what? so i could party as much as all my friends who have been given all the money they have ever needed from their parents. I dont know what to do and i would like to hear if anyone has any advice or words of wisdom.