Alcoholism Recovery & Treatment

My bf (of 4 years) and I have been having some issues lately. we got into a huge fight about a week ago and he almost broke up with me (totally out of frustration-he said he was sorry and didnt mean it later). I’m currently in counseling to help me overcome some major codependency issues (not drugs or alcohol-just being too needy,clingy) and having better self esteem. I don’t want to feel like i’m going to die if he isn’t around which I know will help us in the long run.
we went to counseling on thursday and the session went well. the therapist wants us to spend the next 3 week apart (not broken up-just not seeing each other) and talking on the phone every Friday.
I’m doing ok now but yesterday (friday) I drove over there to have him look at my car (it’s been having issues and he told me to tell him about it if it did so he can help fix it for me). instead of leaving right after he looked at the car, I cried alot and told him I was scared that no matter how much I changed, he was going to leave me anyways. He held me in his lap and told me “honey, I know exactly how you are feeling and I understand. I love you but we both need this space b/c the counselor said it was best plus, I need the time to regroup and focus on me. you need it b/c you have to work the next 6 nights in a row.” I cried more and said I was sorry and got up to leave. he kissed me on the forehead and smoothed my hair before I got up. as I was heading for the door he called out my name and got up. He gave me a big hug and a kiss and said “honey, it’s ok. you don’t have to be sorry. I love you. you want us to be happy so do the things that make us happy.” I shook my head yes and told him I loved him too and was again sorry. as I walked down the driveway he again said “honey it’s ok.” then shut the door.
I emailed him later on to tell him I was sorry I hadn’t respected the agreement of space we had made and that I wouldn’t bother him anymore (no calls,emails,or showing up). I told him that I would be a changed person when the 3 weeks was up.
We use the same ebay account so I have to get into his email sometimes to check stuff. that’s the only reason I know he hasn’t checked the email. but he didn’t delete it.
and NO it’s not b/c he wants to break up-the therapist flat out asked him that during our session and I told him if that’s what he wanted I would come get my stuff after session and return his key. he told the therapist and me that he wants to work it out.
is he still mad at me? why wouldn’t he check it (or just delete it)? and NO i won’t contact him again for the remainder of the 3 weeks-he’s supposed to call me on fridays.

I’ve been married, faithfully, to my husb. for 9 years. We have an 8 year old boy.
However, my husband suffers from anxiety and to a lesser degree, depression. It’s gotten worse this year because I went the “tough love” route and I no longer enable his food and alcohol addictions. Despite identifying the problem, offering possible solutions, and making counseling available, he hasn’t taken any steps in helping himself.
When is enough, enough? It’s hard to love an overweight bundle of issues who used to be the light of my life. It’s hard to make plans for the future when I don’t know if he’s going to choose to be well. Is this where I present an ultimatum?
Any thoughts are appreciated.